It all begins with an understanding of who you are…
“ An unexamined life is not worth living” Socrates. There are a number of interpretations of this famous quotation. To me, paramount among them is simply to take time to look within yourself.
“ This above all: to thine own self be true” W Shakespeare. One of many similar meanings is be true to your self. Don’t do anything that is against your true nature; i.e., your principles
I chose these two time-tested axioms because they get right to the heart of what I have attempted to do during my lifetime and what I am hoping you will consider during yours. That is discovering who you are, and encouraging you to be true to yourself.
The journey begins…..
I am the second child born to Kate and Tony. On April 9,1936, an in- home birth attended by Dr. Principata, in a small apartment off Ferry Ave, in Camden, NJ. Pop was a barber and mom worked in a cigar factory. While they worked, I was attended to by a grandmotherly great aunt.I have distinct memories of those early years. The discomfort of Mom leaving to go to work is perhaps the earliest memory. Others were of happy experiences. My great aunt was wonderful – I called her Mommy, also. I became aware of many more people that were connected to me in one way or another, my grand parents (Pops side) lived very close by, with a couple of young aunts and uncles. My world was expanding and I felt secure, happy, carefree.
At this point in my young life, in retrospect, I think I was somewhat shaped by mild separation anxiety (when mom would leave me to go to work) and a stronger sense of being a part of something pleasant and safe.
I was 4 years old when we moved to Woodbury Heights, my Moms home town. The move brought new people into my life. Grandparents ( Moms side) lived close by, as did aunts, uncles, and some cousins. My world and “sense of being” continued to expand.
Then came school, new friends, and new experiences. I learned the difference in “feeling connected” and “accommodated”. Our kind ( Italian American) were a minority in town, and often treated differently by many of the town folks. The happy, secure feeling of being connected was tempered by this new experience of toleration, which fostered doubt, and insecurity. Somehow, I was different than I once thought.
Among my peers, I was well liked, reasonably intelligent, good at sports, socially adept. I was also short in stature. My self definition, i.e., persona, was becoming more defined. Somewhere, in the process, a “separate being” emerged, taking center stage, as the “connected being” faded in the background. From that time on, “I” began to take form. I would view every experience from the standpoint of how I compared to others in a similar situation. If I compared favorably, I felt good about it. If I didn’t, I felt lacking. Often, that motivated me to work harder to overcome that perceived lack. Usually that worked for me and my persona was reinforced. Sometimes, however, I came up short and my self image had to be adjusted. In any case, without realizing it, I was establishing limits, or constructing a filter through which I would view people and events encountered in my life experience. The filter would continue to evolve though time, as I became uniquely me.
Questions
When was the last time you took a few minutes to think about your self. Not what you are doing, where you might be going, or something that may involve others, but simply “who you are”. The word, I think, is introspection- how do you see yourself. Introspection is very personal, only you can do this and only you will ever know. How far back can you go- your earliest recollection, maybe back to your infancy, your connections, mom, dad, sibling-when you first became aware. How did you feel about your body image? Can you recall a sense of connectedness? When did that change, Can you recall the time and circumstances when you recognized your self as a separate person, when “I” emerged?
Comments
We were all exposed to the desires, neuroses, fears and prejudices of our parents and others close to us, and versed in how to cope with the time and place into which we were born. Our persona is a reflection of those imposed conditions. That persona, developed over time, defines us as a human being with attitudes, prejudices, and fears that became our own, seeded by others. We had no choice but to reflect the values of our environment if we where going to function in its’ society.
Suggestions
Your view of “you” is what your life experience is based on. This is the core of your being and its importance can not be over stated. I ask that you take a few minutes each day-maybe when you sip your coffee in the morning or sit in waiting- to go inside yourself and ask “who am I”. This practice will ground you as you start your day. There are no right or wrong answers here. What ever you come up with as your view of yourself is what it is. I ask you to embrace the image of who you are, take ownership of it, and be true to it.
As time goes by and you gain more experience, your self image will change.
John 